A Day to be Thankful

 Today I am thankful for the conversation I was able to have with someone. I never thought I would have a conversation with this person again. The first time I talked with them was a little over 4 years ago. 

Today we continue the conversation which was freeing for me and affirming too. I was able to get closure and peace from the conversation. That that I needed that from this person. No they simply were a messenger.

This February I will have been divorced for 6 years. Through those 6 years I have learned a lot about myself and I have grown as a person. I no longer let my past define who I am because the person I was 6 years ago is gone.

Over the last 6 years I have been on a journey of healing and even though I don't like my past define who I am presently it doesn't mean that there isn't deep pain and hurt that I am still working through.  In all honesty I have been fearful of going places that I know my ex husband would go. I never wanted to run into him because I don't know what i would do if I did. I never knew where he was living after I left him so any time I would go to large events (pre-covid) I was always on alert. I didn't want to have an encounter with him and I didn't want to put my children through that either.

I haven't spoken to my ex husband is over 6 years and I haven't seen him in almost 6.5 years. Today the conversation I had with someone I don't even know gave me peace. I met this person via DMs 4 years ago when they were dealing with a situation involving my ex husband. I was a sounding board for the person and tried to give any help I could. You see my ex husband constantly told me he wanted a child of his own even though we had two beautiful little girls we have adopted. He told me that repeatedly and it was hurtful especially since I am unable to have children. So, 4 years ago this woman sends me a DM that she was pregnant with his child something I had thought he wanted. However, he wasn't in a relationship with this person any long and was engaged to someone else. Its a messy story that isn't mine to tell.

Today I talked with this woman again because she had some questions and was wondering if i could answer them.Which I have alway been willing to do because i know she was a victim just like I was. through our conversation I discovered that my ex is on wife #3 and he hasn't really had anything to do with her son. Which I wasn't too surprised about as he was never a father to my children. Towards the end of our conversation I expressed my genuine fear of running into him. She reassured me that it won't happen as he has just moved across the country.

The peace and release I felt reading those words was something I haven't felt in a long time. It was like all the fear was released and I was free. I sat in my car this afternoon and cried tears of freedom for myself and my children. Knowing that I don't have to worry about attending events anymore because he has moved on.

So tonight I am thankful for this gift. I am thankful that God has been my guard, my guide and my goal during this season. I know that God will continue to guard, guide, and be my goal for the rest of my life but this was reassuring today.

Tonight I will rest easy knowing I don't have to worry when I go out anymore. Thank you Jesus!

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