Healing is Hard

 It has been a while since I last sat and wrote a blog post. This last school year was physically and mentally exhausting. After being divorce for almost 7 years I made the decision that I needed to seek therapy to help myself heal and move forward in life. I have been doing therapy for 8 months now and I wish that I would have been open to this sooner.

Therapy has really helped me to maintain some kind of peace in my life when everything seems to be in chaos. Over the last 7 years I have been suffering from anxiety but it is high functioning so I didn't realize it and more often than not nobody else did either. When I finally decided to put in the work to begin the journey toward healing that is when I discovered that I have been living a life that was mostly numb meaning I wasn't really present and feeling the emotions.

 This last school year was extremely hard on me physically and mentally. There were times when I wanted to walk away from the career that I have always wanted. Some of the times it was my anxiety telling me I wasn't good enough or that I could be better and other times it was things that were outside of my control. There were many highs and lows from the school year and now that I have had time to process the year I am thankful. Thankful that I never gave up on something that I love so much. I am thankful for the many new students that came into my class this year. They taught be so much but mostly to love without conditions and to laugh and be silly. By the end of the year I had cried more tears than I ever had in a school year but I had also laughed, danced and didn't take myself as serious.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Winter Exhaustion

Winter Exhaustion 2024 has been a ride already... January went so quickly with so much going on. Darlene was busy with cheer, and that was becoming her whole life. February was just as busy with state cheer, basketball playoffs, and a trip to state for basketball. There was always something going on.   At the end of February, Papa ended up in the hospital again with what we thought was pneumonia. On February 20, he was diagnosed with small cell carcinoma. One of the most aggressive forms of cancer.  The end of February also was the end of my relationship. My boyfriend and I broke up. Even though I know it was right for me, it still hurts.  This winter was not my best winter. I felt low and was sick most of February. Everything felt off for me. I am praying for a spring that will bring me back to life.
Read more

Seasons of Ups and Downs

 This winter and spring were a season of ups and downs. Many things in life felt hard for me. My anxiety was getting to a point where I was really struggling. I finally took the steps to begin taking medicine for my anxiety. It hasn't been easy and at first, I was embarrassed that I needed to take something to help me. My journey with my anxiety has been just that a journey that has ups and downs. I did see an improvement once I started taking medication. Also continuing with therapy has been so helpful.  I do know that I am not healed completely from what I went through in my marriage. There are days and times that I get triggered and I feel like I am right back in it. Those moments are some of the hardest for me. I found this winter to be pretty hard for me. I was triggered a couple times and honestly, I went blank like couldn't finish my sentence. Looking back at those times reminds me that healing doesn't have a timeline and it isn't linear. It's more like a rol...
Read more